Just When I Thought I Had Life Figured Out...

It's been about 5 weeks that I have been in Taiwan. I think I have fully accepted... no that's not the word. I have finally figured out how this side of the world kind of works. Surprisingly, I can go out and talk in a different language grab food or buy groceries (may not be the best ATM, but it's 10x better than when I got here). Another thing that is crazy is that I can semi-go to Chinese to English and back, in conversations with friends. I still have to think about it a little but it's starting to feel a little natural. It's something that just blows my mind when I sit down and think about it. I can think back to when I was in Chinese 202 two semesters ago. I had hardly put any effort into it at all. I remember I was just so side tracked and that I kind of just settled for where I was. It's always been a life goal to be able to speak a different language because... well how sweet is it that I can speak to another person or friend and not every will be able to understand what we are talking about. The best thing that has happened right now is that I am able to study really hard and actually see benefit in the real world. I learn like 3 new sentence patterns in class and then I can actually use them outside of class here. In American it was hard to find people that you actually want to talk to that knows the same language. So I pretty much didn't even study nor really care outside of class to speak Chinese or even practice. But coming to Taiwan is just awesome. I'm able to speak it all the time or not at all. It's however much I choose, but the longer I'm here the more I pick up and the more I use it because it's so entertaining to speak Chinese.

Yesterday, something just clicked. The moment of walking back from 7/11 with my roommate and a carton of chocolate milk. Everything felt like it was falling into place but at the same time nothing in my life is in place. But that moment I knew that I made the right choice. The right choice of where I'm going in Life even though I have no idea where that road leads. I've realized that I was quite spoiled living back in Dub-town with Ty and how we had made that upstairs into a positive feng-shui type of place to be. The feeling of everything coming together isn't because my life is going somewhere but more of a realization that I don't and hopefully won't ever just settle because I'm happy where I'm at. Where at one moment in time, I was about to settle for a job at Walgreens because it seemed like how I should be living my life even though I knew it wasn't where I wanted to be. I guess realizing that I shouldn't forget about all my dreams and passions because I've hit a spot in my life where I'm happy and content. Over the years I've picked up and tried so many new things that I never imagined I would ever get to experience. But at the same time, I've also dropped some of my favorite past times because I don't have time or they aren't the easiest things to do. Picking up my old love of writing took years to bring back but there's not a moment where I think, "oh I wasted an entire morning writing." But I remember I once told someone that I had stopped writing because "I was happy and I only write when I was sad." What I have realized is that writing all around is just an awesome thing.

The one thing that has came to mind on this sleepless earlier 5am morning is that sometimes we get so carried away with this life and we always are chasing for that moment of happiness or fun that we forget about the moment we are "in". This moment has as much potential to have fun and bring countless numbers of tears and stabbing aches in your side from laughing so hard. I've chased after that moment so many times, until I realized that sometimes it's great to relax and focus on me. Focus on the goals that I've set for myself. Focus on all the things I want to accomplish and just do it. And that's the reason I know I have amazing friends is because they don't mind when I say that I'm just going to stay in on a Saturday night, listening to a podcast/ watch a documentary, and play guitar. Last night, for example.. Just 4 friends and I went out to eat for my bday. (I didn't want anything special because I've never really been a big birthday person) but I've never laughed so hard in my life in a restaurant before. That's what helped me understand that I should stop trying to plan my life but instead just go with it. Of course there are things that I'm trying to plan and that I need to plan certain aspect of my life, but I feel that happiness and fun really can't be planned.

Life is full of craziness and everyday I'm learning something new about myself whether it be my insecurities or something that helps me understand something better. Everyday should be full of things you want to be doing because at the end of the night... you're the one that has to fall asleep.

Just like my friend quotes me, "There are no mistakes in Life, just lessons learned..."

Much Love from the other side of the World,

Alastar Swift



PS: Something new I might add,

And maybe it's not my weekend, 

but it's gonna be my year, 

and I'm so sick of watching 

while the minutes pass as I go nowhere...

All Time Low - Weightless