All Her Signals are Getting Lost in the Ether

This title goes out to my favorite band, (I know many people that dislike or don't understand how much I can enjoy listening to a pop-punk band as much I do, but that's ok. I still love all my friends! ha) Blink 182- Easy Target.

ps: gotta listen to the new album. it's not there greatest, but it's definitely worth listening to. don't want to buy it? just download it somewhere off this crazy world-wide web.

but the main point/article of this post, is that I will be retiring from this fun yet, (semi-distracting medium) As few of you know, my passion for writing is well above most people but I only revel in it once in a great while. I have stumbled upon, many motivational things that have helped me jump start this post-college "life" I'm currently residing in and if it helped many of you or just a few, I hope you use it as inspiration as much as I do. I might have just crossed paths with the Blogger of Death as reading this has made me want to "retire" from being a "blogger" and actually start writing... which someday may lead to me being a writer (crossing-my-fingers).

I guess, I'll have to start making my donations to save the rain-forests and other such places, as I'm going old school and am going back with the ole' pen and pad. Wish me luck.

As Always... Much Love to You All... Deuces*

Alastar Swift

S L O W  D A N C E

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask: How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done,

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say, "Hi"?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short. 

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower.

Hear the music

Before the song is over. 

- David L. Weatherford -

Letters to Heaven

Dear Best Mother Fuckin' Friend (BHP),

Shit has been crazy since you've left this hectic place I call home. It's been a crazy fucking 3 years+ since I've seen or talked to you. I guess it's been killing me that I haven't been able to tell you a single fact of my life since and it deeply fucking sucks. As you can probably see from up above (or at least I hope you are looking down, ha!) I've almost done a 360 since you've remembered. I really don't enjoy drinking as much as I used to, and am at your level when you told me that same statement. I wish I could have understood you then, but I was still a young kid (still am) and just went with the liquid that murdered my liver. I guess I should probably start with the moment or at least the summer/college year when you followed that different path.

That summer, I had to go back to the school system... Shitty, I know. You always told me that you were going to get me a better job and had lined up enough houses and projects that you would leave me with 13k that summer. I had never been so stoked to work that hard in my life. But on the other hand, that summer at the school system wasn't bad. Joe and I got to work together and we put together several different obstacle courses to jump through.

That fall semester of college (junior yr) was pretty fucking tough. I think that is where I totally failed at life and took 13 credits. I wanted to be a teacher. of all things... a Math Teacher. That lasted... about a month when I realized that I'd have to stay in college another 2 years or so. I guess that shit didn't really fly with myself. (I'm not positive on why though)

That following semester.. You'd drop down and make fun of me all day and night if you knew this.. but I joined a fraternity. The best part is that you'd laugh your fucking ass off and be like "fuck yeah, nate!" when you heard the reason why I joined the fraternity. I convinced my roommate to join me with this "pledging" process so that it didn't look so bad. I honestly couldn't take my eyes off her. Little sad, I know.

I did join the "frat" solely on one reason. Yes, a girl. Surprising, I know... but another thing happened that semester that took my fear off of that after failing many times from even talking to her (and people say that I'm not shy... I'm shy as Fuck!) I remember you wanted to watch me play Lacrosse the spring before up at the Excel center (I still wish that you could have) but after my failing attempt at my dream girl, I really put a lot of effort into becoming a solid lacrosse player. You know me, there's nothing better I love than team comradery and competition. Of course, me being me at a measly 137 (lbs) I got worked up and down the field. It was the best.

Senior year of college (or at least the 4th year) I finally understood why you liked to smoke more than you drank. Imagine all the times we could have made cash money off Mystic playing 21 when we were up with the moon. I finally realized it, 2 years too late. I started watching too many documentaries and becoming one of those information D-bags. Learning how to take advantage of mere human being as I was being taught the college education of being a business student. Looking at customers/people as dollar signs, and how to make a dollar... I realize I was in the wrong profession. This was about the time when I got heavy into graffiti and skateboarding. You have no idea on how many times I ate shit on the pavement while skating drunk.

That spring semester... I don't even know how to put it into words. If there was one semester I remember when I'm that old-cocky-son-of-a-bitch at 90 I will remember this one. It's one of those when everything just goes right. Even when I did fuck up, somehow I found my way out of it and back on track. Remember that dream girl I had talked about before. Yeah after a long long year of working my awful game.. somehow it worked. Must-have been my "awesome" charm! haha, not. During that time, I regretfully quit lacrosse... It had gotten too political and it stopped being fun. I remember you always told me that if I'm not having fun it just isn't worth the effort. I started to let that health bug return and I became an awful... pure awful health nut.

That summer I found an internship that rivaled your pay, haha! It sucked they didn't pay straight cash like you did! I had to drive a total of 2 hours each day, had to juggle summer school and a long distance relationship. and I fell apart. I totally failed at everything. I always remembered you telling me that long distance relationships aren't worth it. Won't work because you said that eventually one of them will come to realize... WTF are we doing. but I'm going to have to go against you. They can work, it just takes a lot of effort. And of course it failed, but I still believe they can work to this day. Now I just have to find a girl that's willing to be in a LDR to prove ya wrong!

My 5th year. Holy shit. Talk about choices. It sucked. I told myself after BK that I wasn't going to be down about girls, but I was horribly wrong again. It was one of those, cliche, "who the fuck am I" moments. I wrote more, played guitar more, worked out more, and played basketball almost everyday. It was one of the best semesters I've ever had. I guess this one really is just a segway to the real story of this post.

I never knew that I would actually go to a foreign country. Where I barely knew the language. Where I didn't know a single person. Where no one really knew English. Where I could actually get lost and have that feeling of "oh shit, I'm actually and truly fucked." But I did. I traveled half way around the Earth to a little awesome country called Taiwan. There are countless number of amazing people I met. Countless number of stories that I can tell and just hands down experience that I wouldn't pass up for the world.

I guess all I really wish I could say is that I fuckin' miss everyday that I can't call you and say what's up like old times. I drive by your house, the one where we'd climb to the roof, and prank cars. You were the one that taught me that I should buy cheap bread and OJ along with a couple dozen eggs so that we wouldn't get caught. Even though it's been 3 years, it honestly feels like yesterday we were cruising around the lake and almost getting me killed in one way or another.

Regretfully, I'm on a huge health nut-kick where I'm expecting to live to about.. 250 years old, so I want to say see you soon, but.. I got a lot of shit to do down here.

Keep the Coffee Brewing

8/7/11 - Thought of the Morning

Man, the sunrise looks legit in the fall. Nature just looks so damn pretty during the middle of the sunrise. Yes, I said pretty.

Nootropics + Doodling + FBM = My Life

So for this past week, I splurged and bought some Nootropics. I've been trying to track the progress (or even any effects) that I felt through the week. I really haven't felt anything way different except that when I go outside, I could honestly just sit/stand and be totally amazed by nature. I used to do this before, but not to the extent of where I do now. It's actually creeping me out a little. Just because the fact that I'm in awe of how everything just works together and fits together almost perfectly. It's weird, almost I can't explain it to the full extent.

Another thing I've noticed is that math and problem solving has really improved. I could always do math in my head but it would take me a little while to do multi-digit multiplication. Now it's like being able to see the numbers written out in my imagination and then just quickly solve it as I would if it was on a piece of paper. For some reason, I'm able to apply imagination with math and problem solving (mostly work situations)

The last thing I've really noticed is that, my guitar playing ability has really picked up. I saved this one for last, since I do not know if it's really helped me out here, or that the fact it been almost been 4 years of playing and that I am finally reaching a point of where I'm comfortable with it and am able to create something. Whatever it may be, musical creativity has definitely improved.

I've been taking 5-HTP for the past month or so. This is also another nootropic. From my knowledge, it helps produce serotonin. I usually take one pill an hour or so before I go to sleep. Why you ask? because I just blast off into a whole new world when I dream. I've had so many vivid and lucid dreams, where I can acknowledge that I'm dreaming, keep the dream alive (without waking up) and keep rolling. Just as an example, the past two most vivid dreams I've had the past couple days involved, being pushed out of a helicopter (Scared of heights? I definitely am!), plunging into the ocean, swimming, and being able to breathe underwater. The other one I was full emotion ups and downs, trying to fend of a pride of female lions from overtaking my family farm. It was intense from almost getting attacked, being saved, to saving a person. It was an insane dream.

The one thing that I do remember about 5HTP is that for the first few days I tried taking it, I slept awful. After awhile though, best sleep ever. Completely knocked out until my alarm goes off (usually I fully wake up a minute or two before the alarm) and usually have crazy dreams that I remember for the entire day or even a couple days. (I've been writing them down lately, keeping a notebook on my bed stand.)

I stumbled upon this great little mini presentation by Sunni Brown ß Check it out! She talks about how being a doodler may be related with creative thinking and comprehension. I think it's great because I am definitely a doodler where I'm always creating little designs and shapes with multiple colors.

My usual doodles

This is what most of all my homework, notebooks, or pretty much anything school related looks like. Ranging back to early high school, I remember always just doodling during classes. Maybe that's why I could keep good grades during my entire academic career. Doodling is as easy as this! (ViHart might be one of my many dream girls... Who doesn't like a math nerd!?)

=====================================

So I forgot to submit this blog from last night, so I'll compact this little segment along with it.

I've been on that nootropic for almost a week. Today I finally felt just amazing, it was one of those feelings of "being on a roll, and nothing can stop you". It was a crazy feeling, since, well I don't really do much... ha! But.. I did get a Full Body Massage this morning. Hands down the greatest thing ever. I think everyone needs to get one of these things. To be honest, I can barely remember anything from the hour. I went to this weird zen-state, I was thinking about what I was going to do for the future, playing what-if games with different situations in my life, and just trying to play out my life if I followed a certain path. All of a sudden, they were like, "Alright Nate, I'll meet you down stairs." I was like it's over, it's been an hour?! It was probably the best way to start out any day. I'm finding somehow to get my healthcare to pay for me to get one massage a month. I honestly think EVERYONE needs to get one of these now, soon, or in the near-near future. Worth every single penny.

Hopefully all this will get me ready for a Golf Tournament this weekend. We'll see if these nootropics can help my game... I heard it was all mental

Cheerio,


Alastar Swift

To All My 40 Hour Friends

So I've been fortunate enough to join many of my good friends in this game we call "Real World". You know the great 8 hour days + anything else we may have to do outside of work to help us be efficient and successful at our job.

Last week, was the first time I had put in 40 hours of work in probably almost a year and after it, I felt drained but happy. Happy that I found a job to pay my bills, and that I survived not just 40 hours of work, but also the first week of having a gym membership. There was nothing else I did NOT want to do after 8 hours of work than go to the local gym. It sucked. It left me dead almost every single night. I think I even went to sleep at 9:30 pm a couple nights in there. But when that Friday rolled around it felt amazing. From being active, accomplishing multiple things from getting a job, working out, and changing my entire diet.

Even though it was one of the hardest weeks, physically and mentally, it was well worth it. I kept riding this Accomplishment Wave that I started up and rode it well into the weekend. I woke up at 7am Saturday morning... Yes, 7am Saturday morning. I went out and had breakfast with my dear ole' Mother and Grandma. I spent the rest of the day cleaning my room, throwing numerous amounts of junk that had accumulated over the 23 years of my life, and donating a majority of my clothes to the local thrift store.

I have this fear of being owned by the products and articles of clothing that I buy. I know this sounds crazy. And I guarantee I think it's as crazy as you do. But I just have this feeling that the more stuff I buy, The more things start to own me. 

And to try and explain myself, I'll use my xbox or a favorite TV show. Now I love to spend time playing video games with my friends and to talk about TV shows with friends, espec HIMYM. 

But... 

At the same time, both things (in my mind) take up my time, where I could be pursuing different things that I really want to become good at, such as: Guitar Playing, Playing Piano, Writing (Books, Blogs, and Songs/Poems), Speaking 2nd Language, and becoming a "Life Coach". 

(I put life coach in parentheses because I know some people take advantage of this, and make money. I'd rather do it just to help my friends pursue their dreams, give them confidence and help them along their journey, and help random strangers too)

On that same Saturday, I started to write a story with my friend. Currently we are planning on it being a movie script... But I'm feeling that it may progress into my first book. I'd love to share it, but at the moment it's not copyrighted nor do I have a lot of structure to it. (It stands at 25-30 minutes of film time, So I guess there is a good amount)

And not to go into too much detail but Sunday was the most productive day since I've been back in the States. 

I guess I left out a big factor from all of this. I actually know why I have been trying to be more productive and be less of a procrastinator. I visited one of my best friends a couple weekends ago and we were talking about a video that I told him that I watched every morning. (Refer to "The One That Fell Through" and click on the link Inspiration) After that, he showed me an even better video. That hands down has changed my life. Changing by making it easier for me to get off that couch, turn off the TV, grab the guitar, grab the writing pad or grab the Chinese book. 

How Bad Do You Want It?

I hope that, it inspires you as much as it has inspired me. I hope it takes you to follow whatever it is that you want to do, whether it is to be the best accountant/finance rep or to being able to wrestle an alligator. I mean, I just finally, after 23 years, baked a batch of homemade brownies (which were LE-GIT!). I always wanted to be a Profess Cook back in High School and I've started to write again. I actually have a published poem. (Surprising, I know) 

I guess what I want to say is. Go find what inspires you. Everyone is different and we all pull different experiences/emotions the same situation. We just have to find what we are drawn to and how to keep ourselves inspired to follow that path, even if we have to venture the beginning alone. 

Much Love,

Alastar Swift

The One That Fell Through

All I can think about is. the future. life. And the craziness that falls between.

I've been wrapped into this terrible preface of, making sure that I don't make all the wrong choices. That everything I will be doing has some greater impact on my life and how I want to mold my future. I think I've been handling that area of expertise way to much. There no possible way for anyone to do that.

I've been trying to plan. plan everything. Which is the very opposite of what I enjoy doing. I rarely like planning things. I'm much more of a.. designer? Maybe I can explain, since I really can't find a word that works.

I've learned through the easy and the difficult things in life that everything can change in a heartbeat. And that planning (for me, anyways) does NOT work. I always seem to have these epic plans. Awesome plans that I'm so stoked about, that would make everything awesome and sweet. But to my surprise (every time, I think it'll work) it falls apart miserably.

So I'm trying this new thing called.. Life Designing. From my twenty-odd years of experience, I've learned that life is nothing I can plan for, all I can do is hope that I've remembered all the lessons from the dumb mistakes (I've made) and apply them to the events that come to me as I travel on this flying-rock of a planet.

I can't really prepare for the unexpected, but I can hope that I've learned enough to be able to make the right choices when the time comes. I have a few major events in my life where they had left me totally-and-utterly shocked because it all came out of nowhere. I only bring this up as there was no way I could have either 1) seen it coming or 2) even planned for something of that nature.

The only things that I could fall back on were the things I had learned up to that point, my Amazing Friends, and the basketball court.

I lost touch with myself as these few months have gone by with my awesome unemployment time. It has been the best bitter-sweet moment of time I've ever enjoyed. I've had more time to think... ignore... loathe... and love what my life has the potential to be.

I've been listening to this video almost every morning since a great friend of mine told me about it. Inspiration! Sometimes we have to leave everything behind, to go get what we really want in life. I've spent a lot of time in the local Barnes&Nobles looking through novels... and my new favorite, personal improvement section. I try to make sure most of them have something to do with Business, or something that I'm extremely interested in, but it's literally like a bunch of people explaining the crazy situations and events that have happened to them and they explain what they pulled from it. (What I usually like to do, is figure out what I would do in that situation... Is it 100% opposite or is it quite similar to what they had done?)

I scanned through this one autobiography which I randomly opened to a page and zoomed to a paragraph. I can't remember verbatim what he had wrote, but it was on the lines of...

Sometimes we have to realize the bad "friends" in our lives... the ones that aren't helping us improve. The ones that aren't there trying to help you reach your full potential. Sometimes you think you can just move to a new location and everything will change. Nothing will change unless you realize the type of people that are bringing you farther away from your dreams. You have to have the strength to want to improve your life, even if it means that everything you know, is such a awful environment for you to grow in this life. You only have one, why waste it.

That one got to me. I'm not sure why. But it really hit deep. I've yet to shake those thoughts my my brain. It's always funny to find what sticks and what doesn't. This quick glance of a paragraph, sticks yet... I spent countless of hours trying to get random business facts to stick in my head for test day... weird

I'll leave on this note. Listen to this song. 

Until next time... Much Love

Alastar Swift

Who Packs Your Parachute

Since being back from Taiwan and being a "College Graduate", it's been a pretty slow process of finding a job. I've spent a lot of time going through all my old things and pretty much either donating it to the local thrift shop or throwing away old notebooks and notes. While going through all of the old stuff I ran into a bundle of High School homework and class notes that brought back some great memories. Things that I have forgotten over the 5 years that I have spent experience the "College Life". One of the best finds that I had stumbled upon was this Creative Writing class that I took senior year. I found some old stories that Billy and I had wrote and just laughed at how horrible they were but back then I thought they were the greatest things in the world.

As the sunset shined down on the coastal city of Eschenbach, our hated leader marched into the peaceful place much happily. Pulling into the driveway of the multi-million dollar house he confidently stepped out of his midnight shadow Benz. 

As Everyone knew him as "Papi", we knew him as Walter Crome. Walter had the figure of a young sapling of an oak tree, but his dress mesmerized people of being a celebrity from the Americas. Just glancing at the godly figure made people dream of having his seven figure endorsements. His haircut was like that of the tight rows of corn from the land of the Midwest of America.

He confidently walked to his eight figure condo not thinking about the dangerous ventures that could attack him from any direction like a panther. As the redwood doors open he introduces himself back to his fantastically feather soft California King. Walter just takes a round off and slips into the fantasy world like the ones all little kids do.

Drifted off, the only noise he might wake to is the silence of his house. As he arose like a dead king from the pyramids, he checks in the dungeon of his castle. He surprisingly finds a timer and the only thing he hears is a tick, tick, tic...

-BHP&NM '06

Well that's an interesting beginning to one of the stories that we had worked on back in the day. I might have to finish this story or at least put some time into it and see where it takes me. I had forgotten how much love I had for writing until I looked back at all the little poems or little verses and haiku's I had composed. The one thing that surprised me the most (and to which had inspired me to write this post) was a short paper about a long forgotten topic. It was a paper that I wrote about my Creative Writing Teacher and it goes a little like this.

The one person that has helped me realize everything is Mr. Moon. He taught me to think about all the good people that make it easy for me to get through the day. He told me, "Think about who packs your parachute?"

That statement has broadened my horizon and now I'm thankful for all my friends. those friends that have helped me through sports, school, and hard times. I would have never even thought about what they do for me if it wasn't for Mr. Moon. 

From this day on I will forever remember what Mr. Moon told me about "Who's packing your parachute" because I'm going to be more grateful of everyone that helps out. I now realize that I need to appreciate life a whole lot more because I have friends that care about me. I shouldn't disappoint them, I should pack their parachutes like they pack mine. 

 He also teaches me that being an individual is not a bad thing. The way he talks and acts gives me the idea that I don't have to be secluded into the normal society. He shows me I can be my own with a humor that has my creative touch to it. He has the confidence to not care what people think about him and I should learn from him not to care either. Most of all I should be my own individual. I'm sure I'll learn many more lessons from him in the future, but this time I'll be more appreciative to his life long lessons. 

Sometimes in life we get so busy and we forget to tell the people that mean most in our life about how thankful we are to have them be a huge part of it. To be honest, I did forget about the phrase, "Who packs your parachute." (Sorry Mr. Moon) but I thought it's a pretty creative little saying. For me, it gets hard to stay in touch with some friends that have been a life saver for me since we are no longer in the same area code and that we both become so busy in our own life. It is sad to realize that sometimes your best friends become things of the past as we grow apart and we start our "new" life path. It takes a lot of time and effort to make some friendships last but it never hurts to give them all a call and chit chat for a little bit. You never know when some people need that phone call out of the blue to help cheer them up as they may be facing some scary decisions or hard times. 

I hope that we can all give a little shout out to the old friends that "packed our parachute" and see how they are in their crazy adventure called life. 

Until next time friends. Stay Classy

Cheerio,

Alastar Swift

PS: Anyone know of some job openings? :)